[Works for him, man, as long as nobody's in any immediate danger of getting shish kebab'd.]

I woke up with a 7/11 slurpee cup.

[Which... apparently....... means something??????? He's making a vague hand gesture now, like he's explaining something utterly fascination that should make her believe him.]

If I were lying about being kidnapped, then why would I give myself an empty slurpee cup. That's just in bad taste. All you get is zero slurpee, and a deep, deep sense of disappointment.

[... He's kind of chaffed about the slurpee cup.]